The 2007 Computer Generated Projected Finish (“CGPF”)

The following are the Mighty Computer’s projected standings at the conclusion of our 9-game regular season, based upon a completely-computer-generated analysis of this year's league.  As many of you know, multiple quantitative measures are used as inputs to determine the CGPF, including:

·        Individual hitting ability;

·        Individual defensive ability;

·        Individual and team athleticism;

·        Individual attendance history;

·        Difficulty of schedule;

·        Team chemistry;

·        Individual cooler strength;

·        Team cooler strength;

·        Age of children, if any;

·        Spousal understanding/support, if any;

·        Jobs/careers of players;

As many now also know, the Mighty Computer brings a 76.8% accuracy rating in predicting the regular season outcomes of our softball and basketball leagues, going back to 2002, including predicting last year's regular season-end leader Team MCarbs. 

 

However, the margin of error of this year's CGPF was significantly higher than average and I believe this can be attributed to two things:

·        There are more than 20 new players, an all-time high (which is good)

·        Bill Moss completed the post-season evaluation of his team from last year while drunk (which is bad).

 

 

* Special Note:  Bill Moss’ drunken disregard for the importance of the 2006 post-season evaluation played absolutely no role in the outcome of this year's projections.  The computer swears by it.

 

Standings after Week 1

Team	W	L	Team ERA
Carberry	1	0	3.0
Kelly	1	0	3.0
Krokos	1	0	6.0
Phelan	1	0	6.0
Moss	1	0	7.0
Walton	1	0	9.0
Hughes	0	1	7.0
Neylon	0	1	7.0
Schumacher	0	1	13.0
Roche	0	1	20.0
McGovern	0	1	22.0
Cisko	0	1	24.0

 

Game 1 Recaps

Lawn Manor North:  Moss 24, Cisko 7

Captain Bill Moss avenged his 2006 meteoric flame-out by putting a sound ass-whuppin' on Team Cisko.  Team Moss put up 5 in the 1st and never looked back, lead by monsters-at-the-plate Dan Dwyer, Mike Patrick, and the sweet swingin' Ted “Sweaty Teddy” Moran.  Moss dominated defensively as well and caught almost everything Cisko hit, with pitcher Kevin Lyons posting his usual solid game – and his just as usual questionable base-running skills. Captain Bill Moss continues his life-long slump at the plate, but also continues to swear-to-God that he made the All-Star team in Little League once.

 

Cisko team captain Craig Cisko didn’t have much too report, although he continues to be upbeat about his team’s chances, despite strong evidence that his mad-scientist experiment of drafting the Washington Redskins’ offensive line to play outfield is failing miserably.  “Nowhere to go but up,” a seemingly dazed Cisko was heard muttering after the game.

 

Web-gem nomination goes to Moss’ 2B Mike Linane who put down a beautiful sweeping tag on a blistering throw from CF Dan Dwyer to rob the speedy Paul Chocola of a double.  Umpire Mike Carberry called an excellent game, threatening to eject Bill Moss and Cisko’s Larry Daly several times for making calls before he did and questioning his authority.

 

Lawn Manor South: Walton 20, Roche 9

After Walton jumped out to a quick 3-0 lead, Team Roche showed veteran moxy and their pre-season #1 form by bouncing back with a 6 spot of their own in the 2^nd.  But it was all Walton from there, starting with a bases-clearing double by Shawn Murphy that started a 6-run 3^rd.

 

Defensively Walton was lead by veteran pitcher and Web-gem nominee John Leahy who stabbed 2 line drives  at the pitching mound and doubled 2 Roche player off first base (for those keeping tabs, that’s 2 cases of beer next week).  Umpire Jim Pavesic was outstanding as usual behind the plate.

 

PIE Southeast:  Kelly 22, McGovern 3

Team Kelly dominated this game from both sides of the plate, but it was their defense that told the story.  Pitcher Kevin Connors threw a gem, and the infield of Bill Brown, Matt Hansen, Dan Manzo, Ken Botta, and Matt Evans locked everything down, even turning a double play on the 2^nd pitch of the season.  Team Kelly got big hits from just about everyone on the roster, with a highlight homerun from team captain Sean Kelly – which is not a typo - and which prompted Jim McGovern to immediately demand that Kelly provide a urine sample.  Matt Hansen also homered for Kelly, but at least that’s believable.

 

Team McGovern was lead on the mound by captain and rookie pitcher Jim “I’m good at bean-bags, which is kinda the same” McGovern, who was rocked harder than a 46-year old bleached blonde at a White Snake concert.  McGovern did have one highlight to start the game when veteran Matt Glavas christened his return to the league (after a several-year absence) with a line-shot single to start the game, only to be doubled-up on a grounder by John “I’ll bring 12 Lite / 12 Bud Light” Rolence.  Bob Apato will also help slake Team McGovern’s collective thirsts next week due to a base-running gaffe that most 6 yr-olds don’t make anymore.

 

Web-gem nomination goes to Kelly’s LF Frank Finnegan who made a terrific diving catch of a sinking liner to preserve an extremely important 17-run lead.  Mike Shannon called a nice game behind the plate, excepting for his 4^th inning absence due to "unspecified intestinal issues."

 

PIE Southwest:  Carberry 13, Schumacher 3

Team Carberry's timely hitting and Team Schumacher's humorous defense were the highlights in this colorful, if not entertaining, Purple on Orange battle.  Carberry's hit parade was lead by first-year player Joe Hynes, second-year up-and-comer BJ Phelan, and veteran Jim Hayes who had some clutch RBIs.  Joe Hynes also anchored 3B for Carberry, snagging a line drive in the bottom of the 1^st to start a double-play that killed a Schumacher comeback.  Also starring for Carberry were John "the Vacuum" Travnik (SS) and Mike Conway (1B) who took over for Jerry Carberry due to poor play.  Carberry’s energetic fan base of John Gallagher, Tom Emerson, and Bill Phelan, Sr. also proved formidable.

 

Schumacher got a few highlights from Pat Knytych, who marked his return to the league with a few hits for the Orange, and Bob Pavesic tried to spark a valiant yet fruitless comeback attempt with a hit and some "fearless" base-running.  Schumacher pitcher Mark Kosiek deserved better support as he threw a fine game, and Schumacher RF Brennan Leahy's running-juggling catch might portend better defensive days ahead for this team.  Captain Al Schumacher sends his thanks to the Carberry infielder who threw wide to 1B on what should have been a tailor-made, game-ending, ball-busting, case-buying, double-play grounder up the middle in the bottom of the 7th.  And as always, Dan Starnicky did a great job umping the game.

 

PIE Northwest:  Krokos 7, Neylon 6

Team Krokos lead most of the game but it was always close. In a defensive battle between two very good pitchers, first-year man George Lefils out-dueled the veteran Frank Lonergan for the victory.  The game came down to the bottom of the 7th, tied 5-5, and Krokos’ first 3 hitters - James Golon, Larry Harris, and Bob Kelleher - all reaching base to load ‘em up.  Dan "Double D" Dietterle steps to the plate, his mind no doubt swirling with the thought of the broken finger that ended his season early last year, and from a distance a young boy calls out, "Get a hit, Dad!"  And with that DD delivers a go-ahead RBI single, which Brian Donegan followed with an insurance RBI (which was needed) to let Krokos eke out the victory.

 

Neylon was lead offensively by John Pavesic (2-4, HR, 3RBIs), and Tom Cunningham, Tom Gwizdalski, and Tim Murphy who all went 3-4. Web-gem nominee Brian Donegan played a heroic LF in the midst of the 40-50 shirt-less, toothless, Irish footballers bashing skulls and swiggin’ Bushmills.  There was no umpire at this field but Frank Lonergan and Richie Kevin called an excellent game in his absence.

 

PIE Northeast:  Phelan 7, Hughes 6

The inaugural game at our new field proved to be a real thriller, with Team Hughes jumping out to a quick 6-0 lead that had Team Phelan in a daze through 3 innings.  Hughes got big bats from Chris McGinnis, Bill Snoreck, and Brian Maliska, whose 3 run dinger almost did Phelan in psychologically.  Hughes also got stellar defensive play from 3B Jim Burke & SS Ralph Soch, and solid pitching from John Sanchez

 

Despite the absences of 2 key outfielders (Jeff “The Iceman” Butler, and Bob “Vegas, Baby!” Gorman), Phelan rebounded nicely in the 4^th inning behind the patchwork outfield of CF Brian “I usually play Right” Condon, first-year player and LF Tim “This sucks! I told you I play infield!” Hannigan, and first-year player and RF Mike “Hey, whatever” Larmon.  Phelan was lead at the plate by first year players Hannigan and Tom Martin and veterans Brian Kelley and Dom McAvoy.  Pitcher Jerry Ashe threw an almost-gem that was undone by some bad hops (and some bad defense), and he showed some surprising, jaw-shattering strength of bat to start the game.

 

Team Phelan’s Brian Condon gets the Web-gem nomination for 2 diving grabs, one to stop the bleeding (in the 2^nd) and one to preserve the lead (in the 7^th).   Joe Labuda did an excellent job of calling the game, which had to be the quickest of the evening, allowing for maximum cooler management.

 

Week 1 Web-gem Winner

Brian Condon from Team Phelan for his 2 Web-gem performance.